Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
