Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
