I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
