but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
