I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
