thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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