So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize
