when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
