The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
