Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
