Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
