I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
