sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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