He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
