Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my shit smells like andre
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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