it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
