No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
