well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
