Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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