Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
