Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
