There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
