I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
