Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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