That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
