allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
