I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
