two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
