Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sober January is a disaster.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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