The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Life is so much better after having sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
