Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Small penises have feelings too.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
