my phone needs a breathalizer
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
