I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
