no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
