We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
