I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
