What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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