careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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