I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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