"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
