i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
