Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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