I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
