he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
