Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
