I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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