You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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