Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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