So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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