my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
try to milk me bitch
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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