He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
