Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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